And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
