Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
