I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
