meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
