he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
