I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
