Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
