this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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