this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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