drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
