Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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