drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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