everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize