I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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