oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
