Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize