I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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