I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
