Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
