summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
