You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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