Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
last night I used snow as a chaser
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
