he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
