Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You took a bar mat shot.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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