i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
