I feel great
I just peed on a car
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
