i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
