Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize