A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
