Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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