I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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