erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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