her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have tasted many bathrooms
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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