none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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