i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
