Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
