im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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