I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
