I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
