so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
