Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize