Apparently you make a good broom.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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