bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
