Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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