your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
