He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
