I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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