i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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