Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
