I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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