Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
