so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
