The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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