u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I supernannyed him into submission
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
