i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
