Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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