Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize