I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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