She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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