I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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