They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
