we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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