he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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