After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
