Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
