um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
