Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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