My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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