Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
