My hand turned me down
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
