Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
