i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
