ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
