I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
