i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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