I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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