My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
