He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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