its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
