I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
