i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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